Uncles of the world

It may seem bizarre to westerners, but in Hong Kong, mainland China and many other places in Asia, people routinely use a form of address for people they know, as if they were family. Children are taught these notions from an early age. Whilst 'Mister' (先生), 'Miss' (小姐) and 'Lady' (女士) are unambiguously polite and can be used when in doubt, they are by no means the most commonly used. When we were invited to stay with some good French friends near Paris, I told my boys they could address them simply as 'Jean-Marc' and 'Hélène'. Although I'm sure our hosts would have thought our usual protocol cute, I strongly suspected they would hardly notice or object to deviation from it.

Children learn that they belong to one big happy family when addressing friends, and occasionally strangers. Boys are addressed as 'Gege' (哥哥), and girls as 'Jiejie' (姐姐) – older brother and older sister respectively. Men are most commonly referred to as 'Shushu' (叔叔) or 'Bobo' (伯伯) – both meaning "uncle" relative to the age of your parents; women are similarly addressed as 'Ahyi' (啊姨) – generic term for "aunt". By extension, elders from the generation of one's grandparents are addressed 'Gonggong' (公公) or 'Yeye' (爺爺) for "grandpa", or 'Popo' (婆婆) for "grandma".

Even complete strangers we meet daily, such as bus and taxi drivers, merit the courtesy as '司機叔叔' ("driver uncle"); policemen are '警察叔叔' ("police uncle") – note the profession added as a prefix is not an obligatory feature. However, out of reverence for learning, teachers and doctors are always referred to only by their professional titles 'Laoshi' (老師) and 'Yisheng' (醫生) respectively, without any claim to kinship. By all that reckoning, my boys should have addressed my friends as "Uncle Jean-Marc" and "Aunty Hélène".

Anthropologists have coined the term 'fictive kinship' to describe the concept, which is defined as "the extension of kinship obligations and relationships to individuals specifically not otherwise included in the kinship universe" In plain English, this means those ties not established through blood or marriage. It is said that "fictive relationships may mimic the ties they copy, but they are defined in their own terms." From my observation of and experience with the protocol in China, it incorporates the reverence of old age, a Confucian value which firmly equates chronological maturity with wisdom. Unlike in western cultures where old age symbolises the past or people past their prime, offence is never perceived when someone is referred to by the more formal 老先生 or 老太太, 'Lao' (老) meaning 'old'.

The protocol transcends adulthood. From the notion of 學師 or apprenticeship, those who have shared a common learning experience always refer to each other as Shixiong/di/jie/mei (師兄/弟/姐/妹) when a number of years separates their experiences. In the everyday work context where there is sense of camaraderie/bonding, female colleagues are collectively referred to as jiemei (姊妹), meaning "sisters"; males likewise use the term 'xiongdi' (兄弟), meaning "brothers". One has the option of addressing your friends' parents (or your parents' friends) as 'Uncle [C.Y.]', 'Aunty [Chen]', or similar variants, although 'Mr and Mrs [Chen]' may be used. Proximity is the usual benchmark, so they are not likely to be offended by either form of address, although 'Mr' or 'Mrs' may be considered a bit stiff. The formal Chinese term is 世伯, meaning literally 'worldly uncle'; reciprocally they would refer to you as 世侄 or 世侄女, 'worldly nephew' or 'worldly niece'.

A good example where a well known individual has applied this concept to himself is Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao when he referred to himself as "Grandpa Wen" while on public-relations missions in Sichuan following the earthquakes last year; Hong Kong billionaire property tycoon Lee Shau-kee is affectionately known as "Uncle Four", being the fourth-born in his family.

"Grandpa Wen"
(photo courtesy of the World Economic Forum)

Although the concept is prevalent, it is a social tool in reality. Up until recently, Chinese extended families living together under one roof was the norm, and titles exist for all relatives imaginable within this scope. It is impossible to confuse who is or is not a relative. From the forms of address alone, there is never any ambiguity as to whether a relative is maternal or paternal, or whether the relative is so by blood ties or by marriage.

The Encyclopaedia Britannica cites the existence of fictive kinship, and its practice in India between individuals of the same village belonging to the same caste. In Europe and the United States of America, the concept is usually applied with more restraint. Westerners appear generally to make clear distinctions between kin and non-kin. Nevertheless, modern television has familiarised us with black Americans usage of "brother". In France and Britain, I have never experienced the use of fictive kinship. The closest I've heard is the expression "mon pôte" - 'my mate'.